Online couples - does everyone know how you met?

My husband and I met online nearly five years ago and, at the time, I was way too embarrassed to tell anyone how we met.  As a result, my friends and family think we met while I was at Cambridge (a year earlier than we actually met!)......his friends think we met in a Thai restaurant in London during that same time period (dunno why we chose Thai--I hate Thai food!) ....and his family thinks we were "penpals".   It never comes up anymore, so we no longer worry about keeping all those stories straight...thank goodness!

Anyone else in the same situation?  I don't really care about the online thing now and would admit to the truth if asked, but it had a bad connotation five years ago and I just couldn't bear to admit it to my judgemental friends and very conservative family....now it's just easier to stick with our half-true story! 

Anyone else "living a lie"?   

My husband and I also 'met' via the net, which was nearly 7 years ago.  We met in person about 5 months later at party in Yorkshire.

At the time, the whole 'I-met-my-intended-on-the-net' thingie was very geeky and some people thought you were quite sad by doing this.  So for those that didn't understand the net meeting, I simply said that we met at a party in Yorkshire -- which was the truth.  For those that did understand, I told them the whole truth.  Now-a-days, it's not as unfashionable and I tell the whole story.

I know how you feel Lola. I didn't tell my parents for quite a while how Stu and I met, I told them we had met in a pub while he was holidaying in London - which isn't a total lie cos that is where we first met in the flesh. Eventually I told them and they were a bit flummoxed at first and my mum was really angry I had lied to them. When I explained how we'd got to know each other through emails, my mum said it was just like pen friends in the old days and nothing to worry about. They have met Stu loads of times now and love him so we are well past all that now.

Stu told his mum almost as soon as he had met me online so she has known from the start but he was worried about how his dad would take it so as far as his dad knows we met while I was on a business trip to San Francisco and even Stu's mum hasn't told him.  As I have never been to SF in my life I was really put on the spot one night when I was alone with Stu's dad and he started asking me all about it! I hated lying to him but anyway it is all history now, the only risk is someone else will let the cat out of the bag at some stage.

As for outside the family - if people ask how we met it just depends who it is, quite often I just say "oh it's a long story" and change the subject - a lot of people are still apt to think people you meet online are all monsters.

My girlfriend and I were both in Maryland and even went to the same school, but we met through the internet.  I have also met a couple friends through the internet.  My gf and I started e-mailing, then eventually "hanging out," then dating.

That was nearly 3 years ago.  And we have been embarrassed to tell some people that.   But we have told some people.  Other times we've tried to avoid answering.  And once or twice we've answered "how did you meet?" with "we both went to [the school where she did undergrad & I'm still doing grad]" which is a true statement, but not a correct answer to the question.  But we've said that mainly to people we're making small talk with at parties and stuff, not people we know well; we don't really have a fake story that we've told friends and family.  I think all our friends know the truth.  We haven't told our families anything; they haven't asked.

This was over 5 years ago for me (when the internet was still semi-new to most folks).........and from day one...everyone knew how we met. Most thought it 'logical' given we were both in the IT industry. Besides...I loved seeing the jaws drop! 

My husband and I met via the internet but indirectly. I had been chatting with a guy (called "J") in the UK for about a year when we decided he would come to the states so we could meet that was Dec. 2001. In the 11th hour I nixed it because something didn't feel right and you know when you have the gut feeling you have to go with it. Needless to say he was not happy so we stopped talking. Fast forward to April 2002, he emailed me and we started chatting again. This time when we decided to meet I felt it was my turn to take the trip (since I had previously canceled his visit). I came over in July 2002 and basically it was a disaster.  Before I had arrived we agreed that at the very least we would be good friends since that is how we were online and on the phone. The unfortute thing was that since  there was no chemistry there for either of us, he was a complete jerk and just couldnt deal with being just friends. Anway, as we were driving to his house from Heathrow, he mentioned that a new guy had moved in as his house mate. My first thought being so nervous and unsure about the situation was "oh great, now I have to meet someone else new".  When we got to the house we went out to the patio and I was introduced to Richard.  As soon as I sat down we started chatting with a high level of comfort but in no way were looking at each other in any other light but meeting a new aquaintence. It was so easy and nice to talk with him. Meantime more trouble was brewing with "J", but the 2nd night I was in tears and wanted to fly back home! Richard asked me to try and stick it out and he would take off work to show me around. I didnt feel that was right for him to pick up the pieces so I declined his offer but did try to give it my best hanging out with "J" to see if we could at least hang out civily since I had come all this way. We went to London and other sites but it was litterally going through the motions without any conversion. Needless to say it was very painful. I had never had a problem getting along with anyone prior to him. The 3rd night I quietly called Richard into the room I was staying in and told him I was leaving in the morning but wanted his email so we could stay in touch. Afterall he had been so supportive and was such a sweet man. He again asked me to hold on and stay and he would take off the next afternoon and the following day. I agreed since I could tell he was sincere and not feeling obligated to make up for his new housemate being so mean.  He took off and we had a great afternoon and evening and the following day went to Blenheim Palace. It was a terrific time! To make a long story short, I found my perfect man in Oxford! I went back to the states, he come over in Sept for a week and then I came back here in November to meet his family. In Jan 2003 he come over to stay with me for 3 months and we got married and moved here in June.

As for "J" it turned out he was a serial online dater. I am sure 1/2 of the single women online in the UK know him. (Not kidding he was so addicted, he chatted online while I was visiting and was setting up meetings with others). I do know that he went to Texas to meet a woman a few months after my UK visit and she asked him to leave her house after the 1st night. What goes around comes around I suppose.   


Our little story is kind of like "Sliding Doors".  Timing was everything in how we met.


Julie

Shameless plug here!  My sister, who also met her husband on line, is working on a book about cyber-mating.  If you would like to tell her your story, the info is below.  You can fill in the questionnaire or just tell her your story.  She lives in Jedburgh, scotland, and she'd love to hear from you.  Chris


Thank you for your willingness to participate in the
research for our book. All replies will be held in
the strictest confidence. Please mail the completed
questionnaire to maureenjallen@yahoo.co.uk
 
Questionnaire for Cyber-Mating book
 
Name:
 
May we have permission to use your real name or do you
want to be anonymous? ___Real Name ___Anonymous
 
Location:
 
E-mail address:
 
Published Books or Link you would like included:
 
Was your cyber dating successful or disasterous?
 
Where did you find this person? (e.g: IRC, interest
group, web site forum, e-mail list, UseNet, etc.)
 
What type of relationship do you now have with the
person you met online?
 
What drew you towards this person?
 
How long did you know this person online before you
met face-to-face?
 
Were you disappointed or pleased when you met the
person?
 
How did you hit it off when you met?
 
Did they meet your expectations?
 
Did you feel that you knew the person before you
actually met them?
 
If you were disappointed when you met, did you
continue with the relationship?
 
Do you feel that the other person was being honest
with you?
 
Would you do it all over again?
 

All of your stories are very romantic! 

Yes, I love hearing about others stories and there are some great ones on here!

I have to say Peedal's is probably my favorite!   

BTW- I have to correct my spelling in my post "he came over" was the correct wordage! Sorry but didn't want to appear like I had poor grammar!   

Julie

See, this is why I love you all.  I don't feel ashamed about meeting my other half online.  Its incredibly pathetic not the way we met, actually I think its great, but the story I have told so many people.  My dad, before my parents seperated, worked in Lake Forest in south Orange County and one of his coworkers was this incredibly nice British lady.  One year they had had their company picnic at our house, where luckily I was able to meet the rest of her family.  Wonderful people.  Loud but absolutely wonderful.  This is where he comes in, at least, in the story.  I tell everyone that we met at my house that day.  So part of my story is true, a majority of it is, but the rest...  

In actuality, I met him my freshman year in high school.  Sony used to have chat rooms on all the websites of the WB teen shows like Dawsons Creek.  I use this as an example because that is how I found the community of chat rooms (SPE).  I had only recently gotten the internet, so it was still new and I wanted to spend all of my time on it.  So, on the second to the last day of the school year, I decided not to go to my keyboarding FINAL, and to go home instead...to chat.  I went in through Dawsons Creek, got bored with that and started clicking around.  I ended up on the Mad About You chat room.  This is where he was.  Talking to someone else.  I'm not sure how long they had been talking but when I entered the room, she asked him, "Wow, what time is it there?".  He replied, "7:45 p.m."   So I asked him where he was from.  He told me, "Southampton".  In which I, not believing him came back with, "Yeah, right, you got that from Titanic!" I am such a dork.  We proceeded to get into an argument.  Oddly enough though, it turned into a conversation, then those led to other conversations...day after day 

I was 14, he was 16.  That was almost 6 years ago.  I've had friends who lived a couple streets from each other and couldn't make it work.  Why is it two incredibly young people could make it work with 6,000 miles between them??  That always amazes me. 

Thank you all.  I love hearing everyones stories.

I feel that embarrassment thing, too. Even though it IS more acceptable now, and my niece also met her hubby online. My family and close friends all know that we met online as penpals, and so do his family and friends, but that's not what I tell everyone else, especially people I just met. I just don't want to deal with that judgemental, "Oh." And I kinda prefer to keep some private stuff...well, private. 

I came over to Scotland with my sister in 2000 for our clan reunion, so I start the story with that and then just flow into "David and I have a lot in common and emailed and phoned, then I came over again and we decided we should get married and I moved over here last fall."  I'm a pretty straightforward person and I hate being evasive, but it's a little tiresome that because we were 6,000 miles apart EVERYONE asks, "So how'd you meet?"  And what about the people who got drunk and had crazy sex on the first date - what "How We Met" stories do THEY have to make up?  Sometimes I've almost felt like I was being grilled about how we met - maybe that's part of the "you must be crazy to leave the US to come here" attitude. Dunno.  I like the "It's a long story" approach, though, and think I'll be using that when needed in the future.

Well, I wasn't able to "fool" my family and friends (and my WHOLE small New England town where I grew up and now live) because I had never been to the UK before flying off to meet him the first time, but I admit to being a bit reluctant to tell outsiders that we met online. So, if at all possible I probably would have told some "white lies." Sounds kind of "fly by night" doesn't it? Well, atleast to people from small New England towns that believe you should be born, live and die here as this is paradise! Anyway, my mother was at her winter home in Florida when I received his first package in the mail...and she called me up all upset that I was "dating" a foreigner(must have been a leak at the post office?!)...so news travels FAST around here!

I met my fiance on a science board...yeah! Discussing human cloning. So funny, I was ending a marriage and NOT even contemplating a relationship. I did notice that his posts seemed the most interesting to me though. It was not until several weeks later that he sent me a personalized email (we had discussed ethics etc. back and forth over the board) and the strangest "thing" happened to me as I opened the email: I "saw" myself in a long dress, preparing food at a sideboard...I turned to my right and noticed that I was in a rustic cottage, noticed a rough wooden table between myself and the doorway, and saw him opening the door, stooping to enter, and heard myself saying "oh there you are, I was waiting for you to show up." Now...DO NOT THINK I AM TOTALLY NUTS! This happened in the space of a second it seemed. Anyway, to make a long story short...many synchronistic events happened to bring us together. We have the strongest, elemental bond.  Very "strange" and wonderful!

the strangest "thing" happened to me as I opened the email: I "saw" myself in a long dress, preparing food at a sideboard...I turned to my right and noticed that I was in a rustic cottage, noticed a rough wooden table between myself and the doorway, and saw him opening the door, stooping to enter, and heard myself saying "oh there you are, I was waiting for you to show up." Now...DO NOT THINK I AM TOTALLY NUTS! This happened in the space of a second it seemed. Anyway, to make a long story short...many synchronistic events happened to bring us together. We have the strongest, elemental bond.  Very "strange" and wonderful!

I don't think you're nuts at all!  I think all couples who met the way we did have that kind of bond...there has to be that "certain something" there to keep us together for so long under such difficult circumstances.  I feel the same kind of bond (though, admittedly, I didn't have a vision like you did!) with my husband...he is absolutely my soul mate on every level and we both consider it a miracle we met each other...it was meant to be!   :-)

I've put off answering this one mostly because I don't really relate.  Frank and I met online and while I did worry some about scrutiny when folks heard about how we met, on the whole I really didn't give a hill of beans what people thought.  We were both in our thirties and, in my not so humble opinion, way beyond needing anyone's approval for anything. 

That being said, I know for others it's not the same and their relationships with their parents, friends, family, etc.  are different than mine.  I'm just too much of a I'm-an-adult-and-if-you-don't-like-it-too-bad type.  We did get some scrutiny but not necessarily for the way we met, but in that we got engaged after only a week of being together and then married 2 months later.  A lot of people felt that it was too quick.  We didn't see any point in waiting.  I have absolutely no regret in that decision.

Yes we met online...and dear gods, everyone who's ever met me knows it.  I can yak on for ages and ages and ages about it.



wench